play-now-my-lord:

ME: hold up. you see that? train’s been through here
FRIEND: how can you tell
ME: tracks. they’re not fresh, maybe 60, 80 years old
FRIEND: no chance it’ll come back, then
ME: don’t be so sure. That’s well within their lifespan… and they’re highly territorial

natequarter:

natequarter:

unwilling narrator

the weight of a story is hard to bear but someone’s gotta be atlas

nociceptrix:

Im In The Oussy Like Google Chrome The Way Im Tracking Interests In Order To Deliver U The Best Experience Possible Lowkey Im Doing Some Other Shit On The Side Tho Lol Hope That Aint An Issue

ronanceisintheair:

“I’m sure this has been done before”

Yes me too but I want to hear your interpretation. I want to hear your play on it. I want to see how you connect the dots, how you shift the puzzle pieces and make them fit. Show me it through your eyes.

girlmostlikely:

saint-starflicker:

Peter: (In the middle of Auditions.) What made you change your mind?

Jason: I thought I should try.

Tanya: (life of the party) You nailed it!

Nadia: (constantly overlooked and forgotten) Unforgettable.

Matt: (not through resentfully gritted teeth) One talented guy.

(One social crucifixion, secret overdose, and showcase of onstage talent later.)

Jason: Please understand that I tried.

sonic-wildfire:

sonic-wildfire:

sonic-wildfire:

listen I am not a fan of America at all as much as the next guy, but the minute I start seeing British people throwing a temper tantrum in response to a lighthearted rib, I suddenly begin Thinking Like A True Patriot™

american: british ppl be like “it’s chewsday innit” lol

brit: I hope your child gets killed in a school shooting and can’t be saved because of your country’s broken healthcare system

this cannot continue

weirdplutoprince:

saltingthecookingwine:

weirdplutoprince:

insane how people think i can just do things. “can you mail me this?” and get killed by the post office desk workers?????!!!?

For added context, people who don’t remember the 1980s, there were a serious of deadly shootings carried out by postal workers against their coworkers.

It was mostly covered by the media as a joke, as I recall.

ALT

ovur:

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